Dictionary

I sit here in the early morning
Knowing I should sleep
And so tired
But not just tired, something else
Numb
My every thought all day
Has been you
Every day
How desperately I want to tell you
To confide in you
But a covenant I have sworn
You came to a realization
That there was something you did not know
About yourself
You thought you were ready
And that our love was strong enough
Would be enough
But now you know
That you do not know enough
You are not sure
Upon that revelation
You thought
You contemplated
And finally, you made your decision

My love for you is so strong
And the war so great!
That love demands respect
I respect your strength
I respect your courage
I do not burden you
By making your decision harder
So let the war begin!
Because how could I ever give up
On someone I love so strongly
So deeply
So completely
This desire to fight with my very life
For what I love so much
Has rent my heart in two
But worse, far worse
Is this feeling of incomplete
After so many years
You have become a part of me
I see me through you
I shaped my thoughts
My emotions
My mannerisms
My life
Around you
You gave me hope, purpose, and feeling
And now you are gone
I am gone

Silent I remain
Waiting for your move
If it will come
But now, I am less sure than ever
For you have cut me off
Erased me from your life
Completely
Erased the pictures
Erased my name
Have you kept my letters you were saving?
Or have those also ceased to exist?
I pray, every day
That you have not cut me off entirely
I pray you will give me some word
At least something that says
You will still be my confidant
And friend
I pray that you have not cut off
All meaning from my life
For if you have
I fear that an empty life
Is not worth living
But i would live it
Because the only other option
Is not an option at all
A thought perhaps, but not an option

I know within my heart
I could not move on
Could not love another
You were my first, it's true
But more than my first, you were my only love
I do not have a ring on my finger
But there is a band around my heart
One that cannot be broken
Cannot be removed
I have already dedicated myself to you
Given my eternity to you
There could never be a more perfect match
No better fit
If I believed in predestination
You would be mine
I do believe in dictionaries
And if you were to look it up
You would see
That you are my definition, my meaning
And there are no synonyms
And without you
I am just a word